People sometimes blurt out statements in the hope of comforting the grieving, but achieve exactly the opposite. Generally, one can expect to listen to mantras being chanted around the deceaseds body at a house funeral. Would she like to have a reception for some or all of the attendees of the memorial service? Another option is to ask a close relative or friend to write some notes on your behalf. What to Send: Sympathy flowers and sympathy cards are appropriate Hindu funeral rites Hindu funeral service: Traditionally, the body remains at the home of the deceased or in a funeral parlor until it is cremated, which is usually within 24 hours after death. Silence is a good option; a kind gesture can speak better than words. For some, it can be a sense of awkwardnessa fear of saying or doing something inappropriate, or an aversion to seeing grief-stricken people. It is not slain when the body is slain. Bhagavad Gita 2.20. If you decide to let her attend, prepare your daughter by letting her know what the service involves and address any questions she may have. forms. Perhaps your friends child died as a teenager and didnt have a chance to go to university or get married for many reasons. During this time, some of the traditions will limit or restrict participation in festivals and events, as well as discourage making life-altering decisions like changing jobs or moving. There are all kinds of people in the world with vastly contrasting belief systemseach convinced that theirs is the right version. https://www.learnreligions.com/healing-words-for-tragic-times-1770148. Whether we are comfortable with it or not, visiting bereaved families is part of living in society. As author Arvind Sharma would say, there are as many Hinduisms as there are Hindus. Just the same, this leniency does not give people a wash from tradition. The Spirit cannot be cut, burned, wet, or dried. Choosing an appropriate date to bring home newborn. Following are a collection of questions and answers about bereavement to help guide you during difficult times. It also conveys an understanding that while there is a cycle to life, there is only one reality. Although their intent might be good, it doesnt always work that way. With this in mind, here are a few ideas for what to write in a sympathy note after losing a friend. If you decide you want to do it, then write your talk from your heart. eCondolence.com, LLC | Copyright 2023. Rather than ask Do you need anything it is better to be specific about what we can do for them. Such decisions are often based upon the circumstances of the family and the level of their commitment to the traditions of Hinduism. Your personal condolence note would be especially kind, too. Here is a list of dos and donts, International Film Festival of Kerala 2017 | Kerala Film festival | IFFK Awards | Onmanorama, International Film Festival Of India 2017 | Goa Film festival | IFFI Awards | Onmanorama, Why rolling your eyes at feminists isnt helping anyone, Transcendence of Death in the Harry Potter Series, Migrant workers send home 4 per cent of Kerala's GDP, Radhika Thilak, that gentle sweetness, is gone much before her time, Dont disturb, Supt. How can people of the Hindu faith be supported when grieving? If there is a line waiting to see the family, keep your thoughts and comments brief. And there are loved ones who suffer from their loss. Families differ in their religious beliefs, social preferences and cultural outlook. Please accept my condolences for your loss. Common blunders while visiting the bereaved: 1. However, mourners can check with the funeral director or family for finding out whats appropriate for that particular funeral. Then go with your intuition. The nominations for the 93rd Academy Awards will be announced on March 15. Most 10-year-olds are ready for this type of experience, as long as they are accompanied by a parent or someone else close to them. A Hindu priest is an officiant, who presides over all Hindu funeral rites. 4. A place to share knowledge and better understand the world. The more you practice, the more comfortable you will be delivering it at the service. The body usually remains at home until it is taken to the place where it will be cremated. The coffin is generally open, and guests are expected to look upon the body and be seated in the room for the service, which is conducted by a priest or a senior member of the family. Such dramatic statements serve no useful purpose to anybody except perhaps the perpetrator. Common blunders while visiting the bereaved: 1. Leaving footwear outside is part of local culture in India, and is a respectful gesture in this context. This is generally the case with professional colleagues and associates, community and religious organization members, and other acquaintances. are not protected by an attorney-client privilege and are instead governed by our Privacy Policy. Most of the Hindu mourning rituals performed are designed to promote the free expression of emotions. Everything will be fine is another pass phrase where both the speaker and listener know its a lie. "Would you like to have lunch with me next Tuesday?" If your relationship to the bereaved or the person who died is more casual, it may be best to wait until the wake, funeral or memorialservice, or after the funeral to reach out. The last thing the family wants at such a difficult time is advice. His commitment to creating a better world was apparent in every project he started. Das, S. (n.d.). Many people follow thirteen days of. For many people it can be a great comfort to know that friends are thinking of them in such a difficult time. Sacrifice is not uncommon for Hindus, even if internalized. During this period, the close relatives of the deceased person abstain from celebrations and . The loss of a child is particularly devastating for parents, and it is totally wrong to pass such remarks that implicate their role in the childs death. Today is a sad day for us. I'm here for you." Before the funeral, Catholics hold the Vigil (Wake). She was neatly dressed and even had her hair put up. Think through how you truly feel about it. If youre not familiar with these Hindu funeral customs, you may also see a lot of food and drink. Close with warm words, such as "With deepest sympathy." Before making your decision, take time to consider the family's request. Today, many take their ashes to a nearby place to their home. Sit down at your desk as soon as you hear of the death and let your thoughts be with your coworker as you write to her. I will be attending the funeral of a Hindu colleague. This is made worse when people pick the phone up and start talking at the top of their voice as though they were at a party. Relatives may wish to sit at the patients bedside, sing. In this sect of Hinduism, theres no food or drink offered to the family for up to 10 days. Comforting the Bereaved Family and friends will express condolences and comfort by attending the Vigil Service and the Funeral Mass if possible. LinkedIn. Organ donation is accepted and encouraged in the Hindu faith and should be discussed with the family when appropriate. The traditions and rites of Hindu funerals may vary. However, you may send or bring flowers ahead of time. Funerals are emotionally complex, and knowing how to act can present a Its a difficult time, emotions are raw and theres a lot to organize. The body of the deceased should be released as quickly as possible to enable the family to prepare for the funeral. Examples are I am sorry for your loss, We are here to help in any way that we can, I will check back on you tomorrow, I am just a phone call away. If you don't feel comfortable having your daughter view an open casket, skip the visiting hours and simply attend the service. Just as It is all part of Gods plan might not go down well with an atheist, He will soon be reborn into a more beautiful life can be hugely offending to someone who doesnt believe in rebirth. Don't forget that you can also e-mail your coworker to express your thoughts before you write your condolence note. Those people are greatly missed as they create such a hole for those they leave behind. Dress appropriately, lose the perfume (and sunglasses). 4. Liberation is characterised as the attainment of the transcendent. Get the latest tips and resources for Londoners delivered to your inbox every month. In this sect of Hinduism, theres no food or drink offered to the family for up to 10 days. Decide upon the best way to get the word out to friends and relatives about the service. It may work for a coworker or friend who has lost their spouse. Though the above list is handy, we need to be extraordinarily perceptive and must have the ability to adapt according to the mood and vibe prevailing in each instance. This setting gives the family a larger space to accept visitors and allows easier interaction with others. For instance, if the family head shows or voices no grief, the guests will respond similarly. This period of time is rooted in traditional beliefs, with each of the day being divided into "minor days" (4 days for each week). You are using an out of date browser. It is specifically meant for those who are contemplating visiting a recently bereaved family. Send hand-selected and thoughtful gifts appropriate for those of the Hindu faith to let them know you care. By merely being there, listening and taking care of the details, you'll undoubtedly be a great help to her during this sad time. Medical decision making is among the most complex tasks known to man; and not all decisions lead to a positive outcome, although taken in good faith. It is also key to building positive karma for the deceased. It is not uncommon to hear one person pass a negative remark about the deceased persons character, soon to be joined by other likeminded people who fuel the conversation into a full-fledged debate. Whilst it may be difficult to observe all Hindu death rituals in a hospital or care home, it is helpful to remember the following so that the patient can stay true to their faith: What rituals take place after someone dies? For advice on choosing the best form of communication to use, see our article: How to Offer Condolences, For tips on what to say and not say to someone who has experienced a loss, see our article: How to Express Sympathy: What to Say and What Not to Say, Paying Final Bills, Dues, And Estate Expenses. Women need to dress conservatively with knees and arms covered. However, this is not a religious requirement and entering the temple during the mourning period is not forbidden. Some Indian-Americans journey all the way back to India to immerse the ashes in the Ganges or visit many pilgrimage sites to seek blessings for the departed soul and solace for their own pain. 9. The family primarily staying in the family home during this time. I understand that not only did your friend mean a great deal to you, but also that Keyur was well-loved by his family and community. For the family, the trauma of having to retell the story over and over can be horrific. Wearing black or pale shades are just fine unless there are specific protocols in place. A photograph of the. Funeral Mass (Requiem) is performed in a Catholic church by a priest. Envisioning Fatherhood: Indian Fathers' Perceptions of an Ideal Father. Usually, Hindu families arrange the funeral ceremony within 24 hours after death. Post Funeral. Hindus believe cremation is the fastest way for aiding the soul to escape the body. Keep your pet leashed, and clean up after it. 82 Telok Blangah Dr, #01-43, Singapore 100082, Copyright 2021/22 Funeral Flower Singapore | www.funeralflowerssingapore.com, 199+ Heartfelt and Deepest Condolences Messages For The Bereaved, 50+ Sincere Christian Condolence Message For Loss of Loved One, Funeral Ceremony Traditions of Different Religions in Singapore. 12. This link will open in a new window. The mourning period is observed at the grieving family's home and will last from 10 to 30 days. It is customary to make a brief visit and spend a few moments in private prayer and then to visit with the family members. 24/7 +65 9135 4444 Dismiss. On the first anniversary of the death, a memorial event (shraaddha) is held to pay homage to the deceased. It may not display this or other websites correctly. It could be anything from a gift of fooda casserole, a fruit basket, or some brownies for the family and their visitorsto an offer to house out-of-town relatives or friends. Service animals are allowed. As a general rule, the closer your relationship to the bereaved, the sooner you should contact him or her. Check with another neighbor or look in your local newspaper for an obituary or death notice. That said, if you are thinking about contacting the bereaved or would like to offer your condolences, you should absolutely do so. Visitations are usually held one or two days prior to the funeral service during a fixed set of hours. A "shraddha" ceremony. However, often, a Hindu priest is asked to perform theantyeshti(funeral rites). (1995). Your father was a wise man. Thats why cremation is preferred. A compassionate gesture is often all thats needed while visiting the acutely bereaved. It is believed that free expression will keep the body healthy, instead of bound by mourning and unresolved anger. In fact, unless we are absolutely certain of the familys religious and spiritual convictions, it is better to avoid the topic altogether, and give them some space instead. Otherwise, they may quietly sit throughout the chanting. is in chatting mode, Heading towards stronger foreign exchange reserves, Omar Sharif: Best bridge player in the world, KPP: The Unsung Voyager of Kerala Industry, Social media savvy cops setting example in Bengaluru, Tribunal rejects claim on early conciliation number, Priya Menon is all set to take Sankalp to the next level. For many people who have experienced a death, it can be helpful to know that their closest friends and family are thinking of them and are available to help. The bereaved person could be venting out emotions and if we simply give them our ears, it will be comforting. If they are in hospital, it is helpful to inform the chaplain about their spiritual needs (with the patients permission). Offer specific assistance: "I'm going to the grocery. Then, organize help with phone calls and the preparation of a newspaper announcement. Keep your friend informed and get her feedback. Sleep is a basic bodily need, and lack of it can take a person down in no time. Saraff, Anjula & Srivastava, Harish. eCondolence.com, LLC | Copyright 2023. It is appropriate to visit the home of the family as an expression of comfort and support. Find out what to do and discover resources to help you cope. When one is in the cycle of rebirth, you would ask God to give momentum to the soul because the Hindu journey is ultimately to reach God. Relate stories that show your friend in a positive light, and handle any humor with care. You should not bring flowers to a Hindu funeral. As author Arvind Sharma writes, Hinduism is not a thing; it is a process. He would more or less characterize Hinduism as a method or temperament. Sometimes, it is just for the family. Memorial Day, considered the unofficial start of summer, is the last Monday in May. Here are some thoughts and guidelines when considering a personal visit at the funeral home: Upon arrival, go to the family and express a simple condolence. Upon hearing the news of a young woman who died in a car crash, a purported well-wisher arrived at the parents home and declared: What sort of parents would allow a young woman to drive a car alone to work at night? Such words only deepen the pain and guilt that the parents are already suffering. With that, parents will often go to great lengths to ensure the success of their families. A Hindu death ritual comprises of three parts: A funeral/wake at the family's place. Light a memorial candle at the table or for several hours on a special day. (2.20) acche'dyo' yam adhaahyo' yam akle'dhyo' sya eva cha / nithyah sarva-gathah sthaanoor achalo' yam sanaathanah. Though a useful principle to follow universally, it is most handy while visiting the bereaved. Some people have the knack for amplifying or worsening the existing sorrow by dropping pessimistic remarks such as Ohshe was so young, she had her whole life ahead of her!, How sad it is for her children! When in doubt, silence is the best option. Weapons do not cut this Spirit, fire does not burn it, water does not make it wet, and the wind does not make it dry. 1. Flowers play a significant role in Hindu funerals but are used much differently from those in Western funerals. May he rest in peace. Once Nirvana is attained, the reincarnation cycle ends. Its important not to confuse peace and speed here, as. They also believe that the souls next incarnation depends on the personskarma (actions during their previous life). Here's a list of simple and concise condolence messages that can be sent to a person in grief. Time spent at the funeral home may vary. Will it be a private or open service? This can occur when friends or colleagues show up and we forget for a moment that it is a solemn occasion. Caring for someone who is dying involves looking after their physical, emotional and spiritual needs. We loved her as our class teacher, she meant so much for all of us.. It's best to stick with their request at such a sensitive time. Is 'Leela' an appropriate tamil brahmin name for a baby girl ? Asking the person not to cry is like choking a person who is already gasping for air. However, the following brief and simple condolences will let the grieving family know you care: We are sober, we are really sad about his sudden departure, May the Creator accept our prayers on his behalf. Discussions about unhealthy habits leading to an early demise can be reserved for later. If you are a casual friend or extended friend: Send an email or text immediately and follow up after the. Amy Wolkenhauer, BA in English/Creative Writing, https://www.indiatoday.in/information/story/deepest-condolence-messages-very-helpful-in-grief-1657386-2020-03-19, Hindu death traditions, rituals & beliefs. As such, this message will work for the friend who sincerely believed in the transitory nature of the body itself. Friends may call or visit family members of the deceased to offer their condolences upon hearing of the death and may bring flowers to them at that time. The dos as well as the donts are important. Although Hindus take solace in their belief in reincarnation and liberation, they still experience grief. But may his soul travel swiftly to the next destination. Financial and logistics assistancewhere acceptable and appropriatecan be a big relief. Visitors are also welcome during this period. Exchange stories about your loved one. The family also . Others go the extra mile and debate whether the person might actually make it to heaven or settle for hell. Shell never be forgotten. The bereaved family usually stays home from work for one week following a death. In all branches of Hinduism, family plays a key role in helping their loved one prepare for their death and rebirth. If you wonder what Hindu funeral traditions are like, they can be different from traditional American funerals, but the core fundamentals remain the same. Although attitudes and risk tolerances vary, no sane parent would knowingly do anything that would harm their child. Making a phone call or a visit can mean a lot during such times. By clicking "Accept", you agree to our website's cookie use as described in our Cookie Policy. Household items like decorative rugs, afghans and blankets make appropriate gifts to honor the memory of the loved one. In many locales, even those who don't know each other will rally to assist bereaved neighbors in some way. Whether you are going to a, Hindu Condolence Messages for the Loss of a Parent, Hindu Condolence Messages for the Loss of a Sibling, Hindu Condolence Messages for the Loss of a Friend, Hindu Condolence Messages for the Loss of a Partner or Spouse, Hindu Condolence Messages for the Loss of a Child. While every group has slightly different funeral practices, theres a general set of funeral rites that all follow in this community. However, mourners should check with the family or the funeral director to find out what's appropriate for the funeral they are attending. The closer your relationship to the bereaved or the person who died, the sooner you'll want to reach out. 5. You and your wife are well poised to take over your family. I remember how she encouraged me to get good grades and once even offered me a ride home after school. One needs to observe at least 10 to 30 days of mourning. Family is very important in Hinduism and healthcare decisions should be made together (normally with the most senior family member or eldest child). Traditionally, the Hindu mourning period ranges from 10 to 30 days. However, it is usually the eldest son who presides at the cremation. 6. On behalf of my family, I want to say how sorry we are for your loss. After the funeral, friends may visit the bereaved, usually bringing gifts of fruit. This website uses cookies to improve your experience. If you do, it may cause an annoyance as the family or funeral director will have to . Twitter. Although some people may attend the cremation ceremony, non-Hindus are not allowed to participate in the mukhagni ceremony. With this in mind, here are a few ideas for what to write in a. What kind of gift is appropriate for an occasion? At Hindu funerals, mourners should not wear anything black. The time there can be brief and quiet. Loss is hard. The only exceptions to this obligation are when the expression of condolence is simply a printed form with no personal message, or when the writer asks that his or her note not be acknowledged (a thoughtful thing to do when writing a close friend, or when someone you know well will receive a great number of condolences). Weather conditions, circumstances and setting of the funeral, and religious and cultural traditions may affect the choices for clothing made. 15. Sometimes, guests also attend this ceremony. He was a good banker but wouldnt part with a dime if you ever asked him, Then there are a few whose sole purpose of visit seems to be to estimate how grief-stricken the family is. Such tasks can include arranging for the ambulance, delivering food, cleaning the house, doing the shopping, taking care of paperwork, keeping smaller children occupied and assisting with funeral arrangements. Certain rituals occur in the final moments, including: What should health and care professionals bear in mind? If there is no relationship with the family, introduce yourself and briefly explain your relationship with the deceased. (Extra chairs can be made available for the elderly.) Specific rituals depend on the patients affiliation to a particular Hindu tradition. There is a process of letting the deceased go and telling them goodbye with prayers and songs. Do not grieve for his body, for his soul is eternal. May she rest in peace. In Hinduism, there is no judgment day as there are in Christian belief systems. It is best to make the enquiries on the day of death, and remain close to the bereaved and assisting them.If this is not possible, one can visit the house on even days except monday, tuesday and friday., even the monday is an even day thanjavur dist. Work from your dream country on a remote visa, A peek into where heads of various countries reside across the globe, This Diwali, try our tasty banana pudding recipe, Heal Thy Self | Early warning signs you could be in an abusive relationship, On yoga day, Krishnaprabha is an inspiration. Sri kamakshi Lunch box Brahmin Home made cooking service - around madipakkam, velacherry. Many users would be better served consulting an attorney than using a do-it-yourself online Recalling a good deed that the person did, but the family was perhaps unaware of, can be particularly heart-warming. Everyday Health | Visiting a family who just lost a loved one? Letting the bereaved know that you are thinking of him or her and that you care can mean a lot. Sharma, A. Some traditions will not allow for a wedding to take place during the year. If its not possible to visit there, then make a phone call. then, practice it out loud, preferably in front of another person or a mirror. No two families and no two deaths are the same; it is therefore a pointless exercise. This short message gets to the essence of the Hindu faith in just a few short words. As an elder or wise member of the community, it would still be common to invoke Lord Krishnas name even if this is the parents chosen lifestyle. The Hindu mourning period (sutak) typically lasts ten to thirteen days and includes various rituals, such as prayers and preparing certain foods, depending on the particular Hindu tradition of the family. Accept, Whats regionally accepted in Southern India, for example, may not be appropriate or even standard in the North. The Bhagavad Gita says that the bodys destiny is to die. The body of the deceased should be released as quickly as possible to enable the family to prepare for the funeral. As absurd as it might seem, in todays fast-paced world, there are instances of people placing wreaths on the wrong coffin, and even consoling strangers after mistaking them for immediate family. of an actual attorney. You could offer to be helpful to her, perhaps by helping her with her workload the day of the funeral or memorial service. Though etiquette is slowly changing, custom has usually dictated that those attending a visitation or funeral should wear semi-formal clothing. Mourners dress, eat, and behave austerely during the ten to thirty days after the death and before the shraddha ceremony. 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Check out some ways to incorporate this idea when offering condolences for a partner or spouse. We have the perfect wedding, graduation or housewarming gift for someone special in your life. When a person dies, their atman (spirit or soul) is reincarnated into a different physical body or life form (human, animal, insect or plant). Good behaviours while visiting the bereaved. The funeral home will have chairs for the family graveside on the day of the funeral. Dr. Vasudha Narayanan, Professor of Religion at the University of Florida and. Where would she like the service to take place? There is a tendency to judge whether the person deserved to die the way he or she did. Since it is such a singular honor, one shouldn't refuse an invitation to be a pallbearer except for illness or absence from the location in which the funeral is being held. It is important to identify a persons religious inclinations at the start of their care and to find out what they need when approaching the end of life. (n.d.). There are several ways to show honor and to respect the memory of the departed, including visiting in person. When someone experiences the loss of a loved one, visiting the bereaved in person is a thoughtful way to convey the deepest sympathy and offer support. form. Hare Krishna. (2008). Such people can be heard passing comments like When you look at her, she doesnt come across as someone who just lost her husband. The wake is usually reserved just for family members. He would tell you that mourning only keeps you from fulfilling your role as head of this family. If you are a friend of a friend: Send an email or handwritten note at your convenience. In the Southern state of Tamil Nadu, messaging can go one of two ways when losing a parent. Another common mistake is to pass remarks on how the family could have taken better care of the person who passed. During this time, because the family of the deceased is considered impure, they are bound by several rules of behavior. Mourners customarily choose to wear simple, white clothing to the funeral, although this is not a religious requirement, and a Hindu priest usually leads the prayers. Adherence to a strict mourning period is less common today. Is there a member of the clergy or other person she has in mind for performing the service? I understand that cerain days like Fridays and Saturdays are avoided for such visits. We pray that Lord Krishna gives you great strength to travel through all of this suffering. Unless we actively keep our phones in silent mode, a loud and abrupt musical ringtone tearing through the silence can be quite unsettling during the visit. You are lucky he went early!, I know how you feel, I was devastated when my cat died last year!. The truth is, each family is unique, and a visitor will have little idea about the actual pains that the family went through to keep the person healthy and alive.
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